Happy Days

Seems like I'm reaping the rewards of some good karma these days. Saturday at work was great fun, I got more or less carte blanche to put together a complete computer-based homestudio (sans PC) for these two guys and they were so thankful for my time and assitance, I was almost a little touched. The good thing about having the store outside of the downtown area is that you get the chance (most of the time) to spend the time each customer needs to to feel confident they're getting the right product/package. Heh, by the end of the deal, I gave them each a coffee mug with our logo on (I have a small stack of them) and they almost fell to to ground. Made my day.

Of course, my day at work could have been rotten as heck and my day would still have been made thanks to a very nice Saturday night. Turns out my previously mentioned nervousness was completely unnecessary. What, details? You wish. Let's just say I spent the evening in some very good company. The weather for Midsummer Night was reasonably good, if a little chilly. Quite a few people out and about enjoying themselves.

But the "Omen" remake? Gah. Someone will have to teach the good directors of Hollywood that in 9.9 out of 10 times, remakes are a bloody stupid idea.

Nerves

I'm a little nervous. Not a lot, just that slightly giddy, not-quite-uncomfortable, yet not-quite-comfortable feeling that bubbles a bit in your tummy - not unlike your first appearance in the school play or before a concert performance. Why on earth would I, the rock-solid, down-to-earth, hard to sway guy - the very epitome of coolness (ahem, well...) be feeling nervous? Well, there's something happening tomorrow. Nothing huge or spectacular - well, probably not, anyway - but still enough to get my nerves working a bit harder than they usually do. No, I'm not telling. Not yet, anyway. If you want to indulge in the inner workings of a stranger's emotional life, there are plenty of blogs for that. I'm just telling you I'm feeling a bit nervous, and that there is a reason for it.

Of course, it could be the 5 mugs of coffee I've downed the last couple of hours - I'm seriously considering doing a few laps around the building.

Random Goodness

Some stuff for you all to enjoy/ignore...

French DJ crew Birdy Nam Nam showing some amazing turntablism skills:



Catchy little tune, too.


Blue Man Group's wicked musical toys: Damn, I want these already!



These are now officially on my wish-list for this Christmas. You listening, Santa?

Finally, check out this phenomenal music video called "Tyger" by Guilherme Marcondes:

Low fidelity, high noise

Ever had one of those days when you feel like everything moves past you at lightening speed, that whenever you turn around there's a new task at hand, that for every phone-call you answer there are two more on hold, that for every form you archive there are ten more waiting to be reviewed? That you're working your butt off, sweating blood and tears, and that everyone just takes you for granted? That you're the only one who can answer the questions about how this and that product works, why there are items missing from the latest product delivery, why the server is down and how to use the credit card terminal? That the blood in your veins are 75% caffeine, that someone stole your lunch from the fridge (again) and that your boss just asked you to work overtime this weekend?

And when the day is over, and you leave your underpaid work (for which you are highly overqualified, of course) and return home to find that the only energy you have left barely lets you collapse on your coach in front of the TV/computer screen, only to doze of a few minutes later and wake up in the middle of the night, realizing you have to leave for work again in a couple of hours?

By Grapthar's Hammer, I'm glad I don't have a job like that!

Here, on the other hand, are some of the interesting characters you meet in my line of work (musical instrument sales):

• The Auditionist: Enters the store at opening hours, finds himself (or rarely: herself) a chair and a guitar, and starts playing. Sometimes, they'll sing, too. Loudly. Not that I have anything against Creedence Clearwater Revival, but once you've heard "Rolling On The River" performed on an out of tune guitar by someone whose voice have a strong crow-like quality, it loses some of its charm.
• The Worried Parent: While I can understand that buying a guitar/keyboard/kazoo for their child prodigy may be an arduous task, and that every musical instrument salesman (in their eyes) is as trustworthy as a used car salesman and only out to rob you of your hard-earned money (probably earned in a job as described in the opening paragraph of this blog entry), I do find it tiresome to be labeled as a jerk for not giving them a 30% discount on their high-quality 99$ beginner's instrument.
• The Hardcore Haggler: Look, I know there is some kind of unwritten rule that you're supposed to haggle in a musical instrument store - heck, I'll even play along if there's the possibility for a sale in the horizon - but asking for a 50% discount because you bought your first guitar in the store 20 years ago is a little far-fetched and shows a disturbing lack of understanding about our mark-ups and the inner workings of a store. You know, actually making money off the products you sell and stuff?
• The Manual-thrower: Manuals are scary things. Not only do they accurately describe the functionality and operation of that high-tech thingamajig you just unwrapped, it also contains wise words regarding the dos and don'ts of said thingamajig. So, while I am happy to explain to you that lowering your newly acquired gizmo into an acid bath may not be the best way of treating it, and yes - it will probably stop working if you do so, I do not have to listen to your complains about the product's failure to comply to your rigid quality expectations. It's a microphone. You plug it in. You sing. If your voice sounds horrible, it may have something to do with your voice, or the fact that you just put it in an acid bath.
  

Note: this is all written with tongue firmly in cheek. If you have ever bought an instrument from me and feel hurt by this, please let me know and I'll throw in a free kazoo the next time you buy some strings or a cable (it's hard enough to get rid of the blasted things as it is).

Poetry in motion

An exceptionally hot and slow day at work today, so I've written some off-the-wall poetry for you all to... ehm... enjoy. Ahem. *knocks on microphone* Is this thing on? Ok, here we go:

"Lament for a sales-person"

T'was the middle of June, on a day warm as Hell;
My shirt was getting sticky - my feet were as well.
Not a customer in sight, not one single soul;
We'd have to sell our grandmas to reach the budget goal.

I pondered this predicament; I pondered it long -
If I don't get my bonus, this will be my swan-song!
My mind was a flurry, my pulse raising high
- because of the coffee I just spilt on my thigh.

Then along came a maiden - and this was no tramp
- and ordered two cabinets and one Peavey amp!
And just after that a young lad made my day,
by buying a wireless system - whahey!

And thus my desperation was somewhat decreased,
by selling some products made in the Far East.
The moral, you say, to this long, dreary tale?
Get a job in Management, not in Sale. *

* I wish I could say that this last line you see,
was conjured, produced and then written by me.
It did not, however, come from my brain-stem
- this killer last line was written by M.


For this next little bit, I'd like to state that I've never watched more than 3 or 4 minutes of "The Apprentice" at a time: apart from the brain-numbing stupidity of the show, Mr. Trump's "hair" make me giggle uncontrollably.

"Ode to Donald Trump"

There are many a thing that I wish I could say,
'bout this fake piece of hair that we call a "toupee"
But the truth - short and sweet - 'bout this hairy chapeau?
No matter how elaborate, it still looks quite faux.


Let's all hope for some more action tomorrow, since more poetry of this calibre would surely threaten the sanity of both the author and the reader in the long run. You've been warned.

Strikers unite!

Another month, another strike here in Norway. This month, it's the banking and insurance people. Yeah, you heard me: the banking and insurance people. Right. What IS it with Norwegians and paralyzing strikes? Let's have a short recap of the year so far:

• The fly-boys in SAS-Braathens are unhappy: all planes are on the ground (again)
• The transporters union is unhappy: no food in the stores and public transportation brought to a halt (again).
• The TV-journalists are unhappy: no commentary on your favourite sport shows (ehm... come to think of it, that's not too much of a loss).
• The banking and insurance people are unhappy: no paychecks, none of your credit cards work. All this within a few months. Geez!

You know, you guys should get together. I mean, if you joined forces, you could TOTALLY paralyze Norway - how cool would that be! Planes on the ground, no public transportation, no food in the stores, no TV, no way to pay your bills and the stores won't accept your credit cards. Terrorists? Pfft! Who needs them! Let me lead you to unknown heights of supreme power: together, we can bring Norway to its knees! Join the Dark Side! Mwahahahahah!

I wonder if anyone would give a rat's ass if the noble (ahem) salesmen of Norway's musical instrument stores went on strike?


Anyone?


Hello?


Thought so. Hrmph.

Maybe I'm not that bad at this after all...

Those who know me, may be aware of the fact that I dabble in the arcane arts of songwriting: that is, trying to come up with more or less meaningful words and somewhat catchy melodies and then desperately trying to cover up my mediocracies with tons of heavily processed loops and washy synthesizers. Ahem. Thankfully, T's around to help me clean up the mess before we post the results on ye' olde interweb.

"Thou art not a Scribe of Magnificence, fool!"

Now, why am I bothering you with this dreary tale of artistic ordeals, I hear you cry? Ah, yes. Yesterday I found this: 50 Cent named Songwriter of the Year at the 23rd Annual ASCAP Pop Music Awards. Some of you might find that to be a good thing, some of you might find this to be a bad thing. Heck, some of you might even - like me - chuckle a little bit at this, and the general madness and hijinx that permeates the music business.

It should be know, I have never truly immersed myself in the lyrics of 50 Cent, but if lines such as "I'll take you to the candy shop, I'll let you lick the lollipop" qualify you as songwriter of the year with the ASCAP posse, then damn, my prowess as a lyricist suddenly made a quantum leap.

X3: Feel the Fury of Furry Frasier!

Now, seeing as I've reached the very start of my thirties with atleast a shred of dignity intact, I'll risk losing it all by once more demostrating what a complete X-Men fanboy I am: The extended clip of X3 over at the Dell site is nothing short of mouth-watering and spine-tingling, and left me crying for more:

X3 goodness right here, kids

Kelsey Grammar is nigh on perfect as Dr. McCoy, even if I had my doubts when I first saw him on the casting list. Damn.

Oh, and I'll start referring to people that are younger than me as "kids" from now on. It's so much fun, really.

No, really!

Hrmpf.

30 (Well, it's just twice as old as 15, really)

Alas, thus endeth my twenties; not with a bang, but with a whimper. But let us not mourn the things that be no more, but rejoice in the many, many wonderful things that enter their thirties the same year as I do!

So, here is my list of 30 great events from way back in 1976, which oddly enough is the year I was born. Go figure.

Music:

1. Kansas - "Leftoverture"
2. Eagles - "Hotel California"
3. Jean Michel Jarre - "Oxygene"
4. Kiss - "Destroyer"
5. Stevie Wonder - "Songs in the Key of Life"


Movies:

6. "Network"
7. "Taxi Driver"
8. "Rocky"
9. "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest"
10. "All the President's Men"
11. "Carrie"
12. "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (It turned me into a newt!)



Synthesizers:

13. The Yamaha CS-80
14. Roland System 700
15. The Arp Odyssey 3



Other noteworthy inventions:

16. The Inkjet printer
17. Atari's "Breakout"
18. The Cray-1 computer
19. The VHS tape



Events:

20. Viking 1 lands on Mars
21. Apple Computer founded!
22. First commercial flight of the Concorde
23. United States Bicentennial
24. Discovery of the Megamouth shark



People - Well, seems that there really weren't that many cool people born in '76, but here is a random selection anyway:

25. Dominic Monaghan
26. Ryan Reynolds
27. Melissa George
28. Fred Savage
29. Soleil Moon Frye
30. Colin Farrel

Coincidently, this appears to be my 60th blog post as well. Hah!


Ok, all together now: "Happy birthday to you..."

Theatre of Tragedy live at John Dee, Oslo

Went to the ToT concert at John Dee yesterday, it was pretty good! A whole lot of songs I didn't know, and it was kinda weird seeing Nell fronting a band that was not The Crest, but all in all I had a good time.


Ok, so they're crap cellphone photos but you get the idea. John Dee was about half-full, I reckon - which admittedly isn't that much, but then again: it was half-full at the Pain concert last year, too - but the audience was enthusiatic and the mood was good.


Thomas was in charge at the mixer, so the sound was good throughout the concert and pretty much spot on from the 4th song and out. Too bad they stumbled a little during "Fade" (my favourite song so far) but hey, nobody's perfect!

Happy Anniversary!

Well, a year has gone by since I began my journey into the wonderful world of blogging, and it is with much pride I can assure you all that the amount of meaningless drivel here has been held on a surprisingly high level.

So, instead of writing something profound and meaningful about what I have learned this last year, I give you this picture of some funny looking Suricata Suricattas (that's meerkats or suricates to you and me):


Heh.

Macs do Windows. SAS-Braathens does nada.

I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to feel about this, but for those of you still residing happily beneath a rock:

Apple has let the cat out of the bag concerning running Windows on your Intel-based Mac. It's all very beta and "proceed at thy own peril" stylee so far, but you can actually grab it from the Apple site for a limited period:



It'll be part of 10.5 Leopard, it seems. Woopeedeedoo! I'll expect T to give me an indepth review as soon as he's tested it on his brand, spanking new MacBook Pro (I'm not the least bit jealous, by the way, you bastard).

On a sidenote, I'd like to extend my heartfelt sympathy to those poor, underpaid, hardworking people at SAS-Braathens - Norway's premier airline company - who are now on their, uhm, second (third? fourth? I lost count) strike in the last 4 months. You know, I really feel the general public is getting way to hung up on the entire transportation part of your company; I mean, it's not like you guys can't take the train or carpool every major holiday, now is it? Just because SAS-Braathens pretty much has monopoly on flying in Norway, are way overpriced and as reliable as a flock of Leprechauns on speed doesn't mean we should all criticize them the way we do. Really. I love you guys.


Just get me home for feckin Easter holiday, fools.

Guitar Hero - part deux

So, my dear readers, I guess you're all dying to know how my prowess as a guitar hero is coming along?
(deafening silence broken by a lone cricket... uhm... cricketing) Ahem, thank you, thank you.

Well, about 4 months in, I can now stumble my way through Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" (the strumming part, not the finger-picking part), Dave Matthews' "Gravedigger" and semi-shred my way through a number of metal-tunes (I like power-chords, I really do) without sounding completely horrible. Just slightly horrible.

Also, I have discovered the fabulous invention that is "Drop-D tuning": Hah! Brilliant! Powerchording with just one finger! Of course, my highly skilled guitarplaying friends (M & K) do not approve of such simple shortcuts on the way to guitar-nirvana (guitarvana?). That doesn't stop me from doing it once in a while, though; good thing I began learning regular chords before I discovered the drop-D or I'd never have bothered trying to learn that dreaded C minor.


C minor sucks. I hate C minor, grrr.

3.14

What's wrong with me, Doc? (Microsoft Origami revealed)

(The room is softly lit, soothing classical music plays in the background. Bit is laying down on a comfortable-looking sofa, while the shrink is in his chair.)

"So, what seems to be the problem, Bit?"

"I've been feeling a little depressed, Doc."

"Really? And why do you think that is?"

"Well, Doc, as I'm sure you're aware of, the Microsoft Origami was revealed yesterday."

"Mmmm?" (Paper rustling, prepares to take down some notes)

"Yeah, it's this minitablet PC that's able to run both its own OS and Windows XP and even other x86-compatible operating systems. It's got a 7" touch-screen and is about the size of a paperback book. They say it will be able to play music and video, let you surf the web, write e-mails and edit documents. Some models might even include stuff like GPS, Bluetooth and cellular modems."

"Hmm. That sounds pretty cool, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it..." (Sighs)

"So, what's wrong?"

"Well... the thing is... I don't really want it."

(Silence)

"Hmm, that's unusual. It is really portable, isn't it?"

"They say it will be two pounds or less."

"...Battery time?"

"They're aiming for a whole days worth, but that remains to be seen."

"And it DOES have a touch-screen, yes?"

"It does." (Sighs)

"Hmm." (Makes a few notes) "How long have you been feeling like this?"

"Ever since I saw the post on Gizmodo."

"A whole day?! Hmm, this is serious." (Makes some more notes)

"...what do you think is wrong with me, Doc...?"

"I think perhaps you might be suffering from a lack of GAS."

"Say what now?"

"G.A.S - Gear Aquisition Syndrome. You seem to the have a critically low amount of GAS."

"Oh my! What shall I do?" (Looks horrified)

"I suggest staying away from all the GAS-fuelled websites for a week or so. Also, try avoiding anything that is made out of brushed aluminium, anything with flat screens and in particular anything with blue or gray LEDs."

"..."

"Yes, I know it will be difficult, but during this period of gadget-celebacy you will allow your body to restock its natural GAS resources. Then, you'll be craving small, battery powered marvels of technology just like you used to."

"Wow. Thanks Doc, I'll do my best. How much do I owe you?"

"Well.... How much will the Origami cost?"

"Uhm... About $1000...?"

"Well, then you owe me a grand."

"Greedy b*stard."

"You know I'm worth it."

Fanboys rejoice: New X-Men 3 trailer out

(fanboy mode: engage)
Oh joy! A new X-Men 3 trailer has arrived, and it looks fantastic! Drama! Action! Fancy costumes! And, er, Kelsey Grammer as Beast. Not too sure about that one but hey, the make-up looks pretty cool.


And of course we all knew Jean would be back; like anyone actually believed she died in X2 - hah! Like anyone had to wipe a tear from the corner of their eye at that scene. Hah! Never.
(fanboy mode: disengage)

In other news: I'm getting old. My new cell-phone (the not completely un-cool Samsung D600E) is way too advanced for me. If anyone knows how to turn off T9 - this devilish invention that will degrade our vocabularies, shrink our brains and kill our souls (well, mine anyway) - please let me know. I'm going mad over here.



I do like the funny sounds it makes, though.

Warning: Blatant Self Promotion Ahead!

Gather round, dear readers - yes, both of you - I have an announcement to make: Theatre of Tragedy's "Storm" single is now available at most respectable online CD stores these days; as you might know, me and Kristian Sigland from The Crest have done a rather spiffy remix (the Tornado mix) under our Rustflower Inc. guise.


So, please run... ehm... surf to your favourite CD webshop and pick up a copy. Don't do it for yourself, do it for us. Seriously, we need the cash. No kidding.

Hey winter, I'm sorry

Dear Winter,

I have uttered some harsh words towards you in the past. Words like "suck", "overrated" and "Vin Diesel" (I'm particularily sorry about that one). So, I fully understand that you have retaliated in such a wicked manner. Winter, you're upset and I feel that I am to blame. Please accept this humble apology from a cold, wet and slightly depressed Bit:

I am sorry. I will never call you wicked things or mention Vin Diesel in the same sentence as you again. Ever.

Now, can we have spring back, please? She was here just a few days ago, before you scared her away. Please?

Yours,

Bit

The Monday List: Enough with the freakin' snow, already!

No, seriously. Stop it. It's not funny anymore. It's snow - we've seen it before. We're in Norway, remember?!

Anyway, here's my top 5 list for why Winter (in Norway) sucks:

1) It's cold: -20 feckin degrees outside where I live this morning. Geez!

2) It's wet: The snow clings to my feet and then melts in huge puddles of water in my hallway.

3) It's dark. Really, it's VERY dark. Like, Vin Diesel-y "Pitch Black" dark.

4) It's snowy. Yes, we've got plenty. It's like being trapped in a frickin Christmas Card. Puh-lease.

5) It's slippery. I've only fallen flat on my ass once so far this year, but still...

Winter's highly overrated.

Bit Back From London - It's all good!

So, back from a combined seminar/weekend in London, all exhausted and filled to the brim with fresh knowledge in the murky science of PA systems and sales techniques. Woot! Also pretty much filled to the brim with cheap lager, but that's a whole other story.

Now, you may like or dislike Peavey and their gear, but one simply cannot ignore the superior knowledge of their leading seminar holder here in Europe, Eric Lund; the big man is extremely knowledgable and yet he disperses this knowledge in a way that anyone can understand it. Kudos to you, Mr. Lund, you're a right good bloke.

I got to watch the "We will rock you" musical again, and I swear it was even better this time. And I'm not even THAT much of a Queen fan.

Also, I'm pretty sure I bumped into Pete Postlethwaite at one of the pubs near Soho, but I'm not gonna bet on it. It did look a lot like him though AND he gave me that "Oh my, seems someone has recognized me, better not come to this place again, then" look as he passed me by on the way out. Pete, sorry if I scared you away from your favourite pub - I probably won't be back in a while, so it's safe for you to go back now.

Finally, on the touchy subject of Norwegians (and Danes, for that matter) and the freedom of press, I'd just like to say that I'm firmly pro and con war, peace, politics, freedom, human rights, animal rights, amoeba rights, snow, slush, rain, expensive alcohol, cold coffee, stupid people, smart people, cartoons and Microsoft Internet Explorer. And I'll stand by that until someone tells me to do otherwise.



*sniff* Do I smell something burning...?