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Mate: "Noo, you didn't!" Me: "Yes, I did!" Mate: "But... Can you play the damn thing?" Me: "Well... No, not really. That's why I got it. To learn to play it, ya know." Mate: "Cool!" Me: "Yeah."
What did I get? An electric guitar. Why the heck would a synthesizer/computer/electro-geek get an electric guitar? Well, for one thing I've been playing keyboards the wrong way for 20 years, so learning to play them the right way would probably be a helluva lot more work than simply learning to play an entirely new instrument. Secondly, a guitar is a versatile instrument suitable for many musical genres including electronic music. Lastly, it looks good on stage. Phallic references not withstanding, it does say "Rawk!" a wee bit more than a synthrig does. Trust me on this...
Oh, sorry. Here it is:
Nice, isn't it? It's got strings and everything! So far, I've learned all about blisters, finger cramps and A major. Coming along nicely, then.
As a part of my much debated "Get Fit Without Really Trying" scheme, I walk for an hour each morning before going to work. No, really. It means getting up an hour earlier - which many people will find slightly unnerving - but the benefits make it worth it.
Now, during my quick walks in the mornings, I often encounter people on bicyle on their way to work. Most of them are sensible enough to travel at normal speeds and take care not to run me down, which I of course appreciate. However, there are a few types of cyclists to be aware of now that the Darkness of Winter is upon us:
1) The Stealth Pilot: Travelling at hypersonic speeds, all clad in black and without a single light, these thrillseekers are not only invisible to most radar systems but also to any pedestrian unfortunate enough to be on their path. Keep your eyes and ears open, and stay on the side of the road so you can take cover in the bushes if necessary: that tiny speck on the horizon will be right in front of you mere seconds later!
2) The UFO: Easily identified by their abundance of multicoloured, blinking lights, they sway across the road like the unidentified flying objects they are named after. Due to their unpredictable behavoiur, I find it safest to just keep a straight path and show strength when they approach; usually they sway to one of your sides as they pass. Epileptics beware.
3) The SWAT member: You know that huge, powerful searchlight you always see in Hollywood movies? Now, imagine that thing mounted on a bicyle, and you have a pretty good idea of what the SWAT member looks like; I walk along the train tracks, and I swear even the passing trains haven't got lights as powerful as the SWAT member. Now, there is no risk of this guy NOT seeing you, it's more the danger of becoming permanently blind from staring into his light. Close your eyes, and you should be alright.
4) The Dynamic Duo: Much like the Caped Crusader and his Boy Wonder, this pair are pretty much always side by side. Usually a couple of middle aged women, they do not travel fast, but they DO travel side by side. Always. No matter how narrow the road may be, they'll be side by side. And don't believe for a second one of them will yield for an insignificant pedestrian. So when you see them, take a good, long step to the side of the road, and try not to be annoyed by the water/slush/mud you're forced to stand in as the Dynamic Duo pass you. You can always dry your shoes later on.
5) The Moving Tripwire: A cyclist with a dog on a leash fastened to their bike - a truly horrific invention worthy of the medieval times. The dog is often of the big, strong variety - terrifing enough on its own - and the cyclist is as good as always traveling on one side of the road with the beast running on the other, with the hard-to-see leash moving at high speed a foot or so above the ground between them. Listen for the barking/moving wheel combo, and be ready to make a jump as they approach. Timing is of the essence.
Keep these in mind, and have a safe walk.
Or if you have any sense at all, just go to the gym instead.
Mwahahahahah! All Christmas-presents ordered, bought, wrapped and ready for delivery - Am I good or what?! Now, I'm actually considering going downtown a few days before Christmas and just sit there and watch all the poor suckers that still haven't finished their gift-shopping. Heh. Me bad man.
Nice, isn't it? It's got strings and everything! So far, I've learned all about blisters, finger cramps and A major. Coming along nicely, then.
