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So this sleazy salesman came knocking on my door a few days ago. Well, he wasn't really sleazy as such, just the regular fast-talking, smooth, "this offer is only good today" kind of security system salesman that sometimes come by to test my patience and courtesy. Now, as you might know, I'm a salesman myself (of the good, honest, not-trying-to-talk-yer-head-off kind) and as such I'm not easily impressed by these guys that have no interest in their product, but are simply trying to make as much money as they can. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
However, this time, the salesman of dubious intents had brought along something that caught my eye: a dolled up, pretty blonde girl. "Ok", I thought to myself, "so they'll be using the old two-salespersons-one-customer trick. Better brace myself." However, the guy started his monologue - that's what it was, since I coulnd't get a single word in for the good three or four minutes he talked - and as he babbled on, I kept looking at the pretty blonde waiting for her to step into the ring. Nothing happened. I waited, growing increasingly intrigued by what her role in all of this was. She hadn't said as much as a word the enire time since they rang my doorbell, and I speculated wildly as to what her purpose was: Was she his secretary? His boss? A trainee? Wife? Bodyguard? Some kind of inspector that supervised the guy as he sold these security systems? By the end of his sales pitch I refused - as I always do - to sign anything at the door, but would be happy to read any written information material he might have brought along. Of course, he hadn't brought any.
As they left, I couldn't help but think what might have happened IF I'd actually signed up. I mean, the blonde MUST have been there for a reason, right? Did I miss out on something? Was she part of the deal (the salesman never said so, but still)?
The whole thing reminded me of the ending of "The Twisted World of Marge Simpson", when the mobsters and the Yakuza fight and Marge urges Homer to go inside, and Homer doesn't want to because one of the Yakuzas hasn't done anything yet (a short guy in a white suit) and "when he does, I'm sure it's going to be spectacular!"
Heck, if I had a blonde like that with me at work, no customer would be safe: they would all leave with ridiculously expensive gear they didn't need in the first place. Together, we would rule the music-gear-selling world, and there would be fat bonuses every month.
Alas, such is not the way of the lone salesman.
Wanda Noel wrote:
From: Wanda Noel
Subject: Re: FYI
Date: June 4, 2005 4:20:54 PM CEST
To: Bit
THIS IS GOING TO BE OUR FINAL NOTIFICATION
We have made an effort to contact you on many occurences and the time to return your reponse is now!
Your current home loan meets the requirements for you for up to a 3.60% lower rate.
However, seeing as our previous attempts to contact you did not succeed,
this will be our final notice to close for you the lower rate.
Please complete this final step upon receiving this notice immediately,and complete your application now.
(some links and stuff)
From: Bit
Subject: RE: Re: FYI
Date: June 4, 2005 9:20:54 PM CEST
To: Wanda Noel
Dear Wanda,
I recieved you e-mail today (strangely enough, none of your former e-mails have reached me) and I must say I find your offer very attractive. Now, if you can actually offer me a reduction of 3.60% on my home loan interest, that is indeed an offer no sane man can refuse. Do you offer this to Norwegian citizens, too? I take it you do, since you have sent me this mail. Surely, a respectable firm like yours would never send an offer of this magnitude to just anyone.
I don´t know how well you know Norwegian economics, but our interest is (for the time being) at an all time low and this brings us to my question (Disclaimer: I´m not very good at mathematics, so bear with me if I got this wrong):
You say you can reduce my rate by up to 3.60%. Now, as I said, the Norwegian interest is at an record low at the time, and my current rate on my home loan is 3.22%. Here comes the brain-twister:
Does this mean that you will actually PAY me 0.38% of my home loan? I mean, my financial situation is by no means bad, but I sure would love to get an extra - let´s see now - 34000 Norwegian Crowns a month (hope I got this right; my loan is roughly 1.08 million NOK times 0.38 divided by 12 equals ca. 34000)! I don´t mean to sound critical, but isn´t a bank that actually GIVES people money for loaning money there going about their business the wrong way? Unless, of course, you CHARGE people for saving money there. That is certainly not the way we do it here in Norway, but hey, we´re a small country in the outskirts of civilization so what the heck do we know?
Anyway, I look forward to your answer to this, and will gladly transfer my loan to you as soon as we´ve clarified this.
Thank you for your time.
Regards,
Bit
